Some say its the sport of kings, but I say its a sport of non-evolved hominins.
I realise that the following will upset the staunchest of supporters, the ancient part of the brain associated with fighting becoming aroused by such hurtful words. For those feeling such impulses I recomend stopping now and searching the net for football highlights.
Football highlights is ofcourse a oxymoron.
But enough, on with it.
In addition to being baffling it can also be described as boring, ridiculous and downright bizzare.
Luckily I was located in the corporate box, where food and beer were plentiful, allowing me to observe the strange spectacle in comfort.
After almost an hour of watching I had deduced the following: meatheads run up and down a grassy pitch, kicking a ball seemingly at ramdom, small ginger kids in the crowd yell flavoursome and colourful abuse whilst a score of three is concidered outstanding.
A run in with one of the southport benched players during half time did little to improve my perceptions of either the sport or the players.
The exchange went as follows:
Him: ey luv let meh baey yer a drink ey?
Me: uhhh no thanks
Him: oeeerrrr but im un of theh southport players ehhhh
Me: sorry. Im taken and also not attracted to people who play ridiculous sports.
Him: ohhh comee neow luv, coem off eet.
Other players: huarh huarh huarh (midlands laugh) yer just gawt ahot down son huarh huarh huarh.
At the end of the day the experience was educational, I got a fair few laughs at the expense of the small but hilarious ginger kid in the crowd ( yer fooken playin wif yah dik in ya eyes aintchya mate? Coem offeet ya blimmin shrimp! ) but All in all, I think this may be the one thing about the UK that I never understand. Ever.
Whilst many, many people proclaim that football is exciting and thrilling, I am happy to stick to games on a computer. Games which are actually exciting.
Supporting evidense that i actually attended:
1) photo of the match
2) my unintrested football face
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